Dawn Gets Elbowed in the Boob

Have you ever noticed that attending a children's event is much like a contact sport? It dawned on me this evening.

Rushing my little eggplant, yes, I said eggplant, down the sidewalk with few minutes to spare before the first grade musical, I was tripped by a woman with a stroller who was trying to beat my little purple-headed son to the entrance. Apparently she thought my vegetable was going to get a better position than her weed. I sincerely apologized for breaking my toenail on her toddler's steel-tipped boots, kissed my little veggie, and off I went in search of a seat.

Well, it was standing room only. Not really. There were a few dozen single seats, but everyone said he/she was "saving the chair". I checked my breath, my underarms, and my zipper. Nope, minty, spring breezy, and zipped up. Maybe they thought the blood on my toe would give them hepatitis. I don't know. I do wonder what kind of party those few dozen folks were having in the bathrooms though, 'cause I never saw them appear. hmmmm

So off I go to stand to the side. Little did I know that I was in the mosh pit zone. As the springtime production began, I was patiently standing out of everyone's view, when suddenly, we were swarmed on all sides by photog families! Sweet voices singing, little snippets of flowers dancing. I couldn't see my little eggplant darnit! I said to myself, "It is okay. When the boy has his solo, they'll let me through to get one picture, right? Nope. Here's the booby part.

I saw a little merlot-colored head bob to the front of the stage, so I said, "Excuse me please." to the 6 ft tall (6 inch spike heels, skinny jeans, and a tube top) woman in front of me. Whhhelll, you'd a thought I asked for one of her shoes! She stuck her hand on her hip, did a little Beyonce twitch, and with that, knocked me back to the wall with a bruised right breast without so much as ever looking at me! I should've tried crawling through her knees, but I DID find a way around thanks to the nice elderly man in a wheelchair who let me climb OVER his knees. I caught the best part...Gabriel's sweet little falsetto singing about taking care of the earth. Ahhhh, the tears!

(Over the singing eggplant, not the boob.)

Next time, I'm taking a stroller, steel-tipped boots, and a Madonna bra.